The book

10 Habits of Happy Relationships

Ten small things, kept on purpose.

People who are happily married do not marry once. They marry again and again. Not only the partner who is easy to live with, but the one who is sometimes full of nonsense, the one who first appears three years in at a family Christmas dinner, the brave one and the coward.
10 Habits of Happy Relationships, cover

This is not a book about fixing a broken relationship, and it is not a book about becoming a better person first. It is ten habits, one per chapter, that couples who stay happy tend to keep without making a fuss about it.

Every one of them is small enough to start this week. A twenty second hug instead of a quick kiss. Three silly questions a day. Reading to each other instead of scrolling in bed. Holding hands, on purpose, the way you used to.

The last few chapters ask more of you, because they are about what you do with your own frustration rather than your partner's behaviour. That is the part that changes things, and it is also the part nobody wants to hear. I have written it as kindly as I can and as honestly as I have to.

The ten habits
Habit one
The necessity of polygamy
Marrying the person they have become
Habit two
Light, not shallow
Questions that get you off the admin
Habit three
The messages hands send
Holding hands, and what it does to you
Habit four
Get high on hugs
Twenty seconds, and why it matters
Habit five
Stare openly
Catching your partner's eye on purpose
Habit six
Read to each other
Instead of scrolling in bed
Habit seven
Be curious
Why this bothers me, rather than why they are wrong
Habit eight
Be solution-oriented
Swapping the complaint for a fix
Habit nine
Dig up the past or bury the hatchet?
Which emails you keep reading
Habit ten
Let go to grow
Saying goodbye to your view of them
A look inside
Two pages from 10 Habits of Happy Relationships
Designed to be read, not endured. Short chapters, room to breathe, and the point on the page.
A word before you start

Some of these will work better for you than others. Keep what works and forget the rest. This is not a programme with a pass mark, it is a set of habits, and habits are personal.

Being honest with yourself and your partner is not easy. It asks you to take responsibility for your share in the conflict and the grief, and for your own care and growth. It asks you to start with yourself rather than with them. That is the whole difficulty, and it is also the whole point.

May you find happiness in building these into your relationship, and watch out for the habit of putting off the very things that would make it better.

Much love,
Francois